Pray and Pay...Pay and Pray...what would u like to subscribe???

I stood facing the old priest of the offering altar after exiting the main temple of Khandoba. For sure he had called me.With a concerned look of an familiar elderly,he warned me that my pilgrimage would be incomplete without praying at the offering altar.

Well I was a no pilgrim nor did i have any problem if my religious excursion did remain incomplete.But the stone idol at the edge of the altar was worth a photograph.

He asked me to sit down on my haunches. And I did.He looked me into eye and recited a long miss match rhymed prayer and ended it with a command pointing at the large brass plate.

"Khandobachya naavane ghaal paachshe yek yaa taatat"'In the name of Khandoba place five hundred and one rupees on this platter'
'why?'I asked
'For the blessing'He replied.'...So that you don't go unblessed from this temple'

I didn't have that much money.I mentioned my broked state to him.I had no intention of being blessed. Even if I had any...
'Then place hundred and one',he presented me with an option.

He was indirectly assuring me that he was thinking about the haversack on my back was containing bundles of US Dollars which I had brought along after striking an arms deal with President George W. Bush and was on my way to the Prime Ministers office to jot down the order for thirty Sukhois or Migs and carried intention of distributing some of those bundles amongst the patrons of the shrine.I smiled cynically and said I didn't have even that much.I was sure from his expressions that his next lines would be 'Go and sit with the beggers along the steps of the temple then'.

But he turned out to be more courteous and regretfully uttered 'Give then whatever you have' I pulled out twenty one rupees from my odd jeans pocket and placed it on the plate.

'no...at least hundred and one'he said.

I told him that it was all I could shell out as i required some dough for my return journey. He scornfully picked it up and put it in his pouch muttering, "Tumchi marji".Remorsefully.'Your wish'.

I left my wish as it was on the plate and stood up. If had lacked the very shame, I would've picked up that too and put it into my pocket. Episode finish. Back to my work. I moved to the stone idol and take picture of it on my camera. Another old priest put his turmeric clad hand on the lens while I was adjusting the frame.

'Did u make the offering???'He asked

'Yes'I replied.

'When?'

'Just now'

'I didn't see u' he said.

'I just did at that priest', I said pointing at the priest who had driven me into offering moments ago.

'He's a bogus...u should come to me...i m the officially appointed one...u'll get
official blessings here and not at him.'

'I didn't know that.'

'Then would u like an official offering now???'

'No...I did it once...it's okay'

'Then no photograph....Khandoba isn't a free God...God and his blessings
aren't free of cost.'

'I m sorry...I didn't know', I uttered apologetically and left. But I really didn't know. I didn't know that God and his blessings aren't free of cost. I didn't know that if u didn't pay u didn't get
blessed. Now i know...Why i've got so many KTs to clear....no payment to God.That's it.

I scored damn less in HSC....yes...Not because I spent time watching movies n chasing girls...because I didn't put a few notes in God's Charity box...

Charity Box...For God..What r u thinking???...Yes... of course God needs charity....what do u think he is???...Why will he bless u if u dont please him by being charitable???...Very bad.

And last time a girl rejected me...i know the reason why now...It's not that I was too much of physically interested in her and was all I thought about and she too had a clear idea about it....but it was that I hadn't paid for the maha 'pooja'...

And i m currently jobless is not because I don't possess a skillset but because I didn't buy a reciept for 'abhishekam'...

Shit!!...what had I been thinking all the time!!...That blessings come free n all...oh no...how wrong I was!!!

Next time I visit a holy place...I'll fill my haversack with money instead of clothes....I'll beg,borrow or steal it if I won't have that much...After all it's worth as an investment.

Come on...we r gonna buy God's blessings..not a childs play...stable than the share makets, secure than mutual funds plus no jhanjhats...go to god...pray for what u want...and pay for ur wishes...and then wait...and one fine day..hallelujah...ur wish comes true... but how much for each wish...I m sure God doesn't accept gross payments...after all...he's a hard core businessman....But how much does he charge for a single wish???...Pakka there must be a rate card...different
rates for different wishes...depending upon their magnitude and the level of difficulty involved....

Like If u want a child..Pay Rs.1000...If u want a boy child...pay Rs.1500...come on bringing XY chromosomes together isn't an easy task....every wish..different price....more the wishes..more the discount u get...U also have subscription...would u like to subscribe??? Diwali and New Year discounts will also be given. Pay and Pray scheme is also available for those who want to pay
first and pray later...later when???..whenever...maybe..never.Why do u want to pray when u've already paid???Silly Questions. Why is it that God's name isn't there in Fortune Five hundred Rich Personalities. He has so much money coming in...that too without much investments.Total profits...Harvards and IIMs need to have a case study on him...Maybe he's gaining business that's why.

'Hello...we r calling up from heaven...do u have any wish??'Voice says on phones at utmost ridiculous time of the day...when u r in the loo or something like that.

'Our company 'God and followers' would like to enroll u in our new program 'Next Moment'..... in this u make a wish and u will find it fulfilled iat the very next moment...so sir would u like to join in???....Don't worry about the price sir...we also have payment by installments facility...and in case if u want a loan...we have collabrated with so-and-so bank to provide u with easy loans'...

'superb...how generous of u God...u r providing me with a loan to fulfill my wish',u say and start sobbing.

'God listens to u when u pray with all ur heart' they say. But years along they've been dropping the later part...all lot of the clergymen in the medivial europe,vedic India and other 'religion forming' timeslots....(Dan Brown..I'm providing u with a topic I suppose....Sorry for
swaying away)...The later part..yes...is....'and if u pay with all ur pocket'....there's no doubt about my dad's perception that I am a useless-good for nothing-Idiot. But the newly learnt fact has given me a chance to prove the same about my dad. Once me n my dad went to a temple and I started crying,shouting,banging my head, throwing tantrums for I wanted a one rupee
coin. Dad asked me why did I want it???...and I replied I had to give it to the
god like everybody else.And dad had said....

'What can u give to the one who gives us all'

You were wrong dad...and u gave me ur wrong thought in inheritance.

(And for those who are athiests...There's no god at all.)