The 'Bhatair' Effect
Chicken Angaaraa slid down my esophagus and made it's place in my
stomach, leaving space for something else to fit in. I looked at Sid. He looked at me.'Aur kya mangaate hai???'I asked him. We were at Memonwada, with the solitary intention of swallowing as
much as we could and whatever we could.It's reputation for mughlai cuisines
had dragged us into it's crammed lanes.And now we were at a open air dining
hall outside a 86.13 Sq.ft. shop, deciding upon what to be ordered next
after trying three delicacies. We looked at the waiter-cum owner-cum friend-cum philosopher-cum
guide.'Aur kya kya hai',I asked him. He presented me with a unending list ranging from china to Punjab
to Afghanistan to Iran to Hyderabad...most of which we had tried someday or
other before.'Ekdum alag kya hai',Sid Asked.'Alag mein.....Bhatair try karenge???''Bhat..?' Mahesh Bhat, Pooja Bhat, Vikram Bhat,Mukesh Bhat...'Bhatair ''Woh kya hai???'curiosity puked out of Sid's oral cavity.'Bhatair sir...Quail.' He pointed at an aluminium cage full of cute little birds. One of
those which u could gift to ur girlfriend to woo her.One of those who you
would gift ur nephew to talk with. One of those that a hindi film actress
in a film a decade or two ago, would confess her love affair to.Had a girl
accompanied me instead of Sid, She would've surely
exclaimed...'ooooooooh...how cute!!!' 'Haan...ek lanaa' Instead we exclaimed instantly without a second thought. 'Kaisa laau??'He asked'Fry,Gravy ya Tandoori''Tandoori....Kya re??'I looked to Sid for consent.'Haan haan...Tandoori'Sid answered readily. As the attendent left, I started staring at the cage to look at
which one of the lot was being selected for us. They sat in the cage like disciplined kids in a classroom with
their small innocent faces, staring at the world with lot of interest and
curiosity.A birdie u would readily fall into love with.Like me.A sudden
retaliation hit me.I hated myself for ordering that bird.How could I be so
brutal.How could I eat something so...so...so...feeble,so helpless,so
lovely.How could I do it.I was a devil.I thought how similarly
chickens,goats, lambs must be lovely creatures before eating them...or
cooking them...or killing them.What a sin I had been doing all this years.I
begged to god for forgiveness.'Kitna time lag raha hai re....main khaane ke liye tadap raha hoon'Sid
said.'Fuck u!!!!'I said to him within the constraints of my thought'u
bastard...I hate u'.Then my mind said to me that the thought that had
striked me hadn't striken him.He ws still what I had been a minute ago.He
too needed that vision for a realisation like me.But what if he never had
any.Then I needed to tell him what I thought at this moment about consuming
that and like him beings.I turned to him.I opened my mouth to utter my
first word..... And the Tandoori Bhatair arrived.I was too sure I was not going to
eat it.I was a vegetarian from a moment ago. No more non-vegetarian food
for me for the rest of my life,If the little pleasure for my tongue was
going to snatch the right of life from some living creature. Sorry Sid u
have to eat it alone. he tore the first chunk of the roasted flesh from the bird and put
it into his mouth.'Ummmm....maaki...Kya sex bomb cheez hai yar hai...jaldi le.' I sat frozen.I couldn't say a word. I felt like crying for the bird
that lay died and roasted on the plate. Bird which was well alive few
minutes ago. A bird which could have been living had I not said yes to the
attndent.'Le re Gandu...Solid hai ekdum'Sid persuaded. I forcefully raised my hand.I took my hand to the plate. My hand
shivered. I hadn't been doing this. I don't know why I was doing It. i
pulled out a chunk and kept it on my tongue.Tears gathered in my eyes.And
next moment the chunk spread it's taste in my mouth. The perfectly roasted
meat melted on my tongue and my tongue involuntarily pushed it to my
molars, premolars and other grinders in my mouth.Every crunch and juice
squeezed out of the piece.I kept chewing till I lost it into nowhere inside
the vacuum of my digestive track. I pulled out a bigger chunk next time and gobbled it,then another
one..then another one...competing with Sid to finish it. And I said to myself.'Fuck u....This is awesome....vegetariansim sucks if I am gonna loose this'
stomach, leaving space for something else to fit in. I looked at Sid. He looked at me.'Aur kya mangaate hai???'I asked him. We were at Memonwada, with the solitary intention of swallowing as
much as we could and whatever we could.It's reputation for mughlai cuisines
had dragged us into it's crammed lanes.And now we were at a open air dining
hall outside a 86.13 Sq.ft. shop, deciding upon what to be ordered next
after trying three delicacies. We looked at the waiter-cum owner-cum friend-cum philosopher-cum
guide.'Aur kya kya hai',I asked him. He presented me with a unending list ranging from china to Punjab
to Afghanistan to Iran to Hyderabad...most of which we had tried someday or
other before.'Ekdum alag kya hai',Sid Asked.'Alag mein.....Bhatair try karenge???''Bhat..?' Mahesh Bhat, Pooja Bhat, Vikram Bhat,Mukesh Bhat...'Bhatair ''Woh kya hai???'curiosity puked out of Sid's oral cavity.'Bhatair sir...Quail.' He pointed at an aluminium cage full of cute little birds. One of
those which u could gift to ur girlfriend to woo her.One of those who you
would gift ur nephew to talk with. One of those that a hindi film actress
in a film a decade or two ago, would confess her love affair to.Had a girl
accompanied me instead of Sid, She would've surely
exclaimed...'ooooooooh...how cute!!!' 'Haan...ek lanaa' Instead we exclaimed instantly without a second thought. 'Kaisa laau??'He asked'Fry,Gravy ya Tandoori''Tandoori....Kya re??'I looked to Sid for consent.'Haan haan...Tandoori'Sid answered readily. As the attendent left, I started staring at the cage to look at
which one of the lot was being selected for us. They sat in the cage like disciplined kids in a classroom with
their small innocent faces, staring at the world with lot of interest and
curiosity.A birdie u would readily fall into love with.Like me.A sudden
retaliation hit me.I hated myself for ordering that bird.How could I be so
brutal.How could I eat something so...so...so...feeble,so helpless,so
lovely.How could I do it.I was a devil.I thought how similarly
chickens,goats, lambs must be lovely creatures before eating them...or
cooking them...or killing them.What a sin I had been doing all this years.I
begged to god for forgiveness.'Kitna time lag raha hai re....main khaane ke liye tadap raha hoon'Sid
said.'Fuck u!!!!'I said to him within the constraints of my thought'u
bastard...I hate u'.Then my mind said to me that the thought that had
striked me hadn't striken him.He ws still what I had been a minute ago.He
too needed that vision for a realisation like me.But what if he never had
any.Then I needed to tell him what I thought at this moment about consuming
that and like him beings.I turned to him.I opened my mouth to utter my
first word..... And the Tandoori Bhatair arrived.I was too sure I was not going to
eat it.I was a vegetarian from a moment ago. No more non-vegetarian food
for me for the rest of my life,If the little pleasure for my tongue was
going to snatch the right of life from some living creature. Sorry Sid u
have to eat it alone. he tore the first chunk of the roasted flesh from the bird and put
it into his mouth.'Ummmm....maaki...Kya sex bomb cheez hai yar hai...jaldi le.' I sat frozen.I couldn't say a word. I felt like crying for the bird
that lay died and roasted on the plate. Bird which was well alive few
minutes ago. A bird which could have been living had I not said yes to the
attndent.'Le re Gandu...Solid hai ekdum'Sid persuaded. I forcefully raised my hand.I took my hand to the plate. My hand
shivered. I hadn't been doing this. I don't know why I was doing It. i
pulled out a chunk and kept it on my tongue.Tears gathered in my eyes.And
next moment the chunk spread it's taste in my mouth. The perfectly roasted
meat melted on my tongue and my tongue involuntarily pushed it to my
molars, premolars and other grinders in my mouth.Every crunch and juice
squeezed out of the piece.I kept chewing till I lost it into nowhere inside
the vacuum of my digestive track. I pulled out a bigger chunk next time and gobbled it,then another
one..then another one...competing with Sid to finish it. And I said to myself.'Fuck u....This is awesome....vegetariansim sucks if I am gonna loose this'
posted by Salil Mirashi at 11:05 AM
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